Here I Am - September 11th

So here I am in England. Yep. I have relocated the position of my body. That's the update. It seems a bit surreal still, and it certainly feels anticlimactic, as I assumed it would. Honestly I feel paralyzed saying anything else, because I've yet again found myself in a place of indecision and limbo.

Let me catch you up. I came to England with the promise of a job in Leeds at a bank call centre. It wasn't my ideal job, but it was something to get me started. But because of the timing of when I get my National Insurance Number (which is required for the job), they couldn't hire me in time for the start date. So now I'm back to the drawing board and have to find a new job.

When I got the call about this, I was at once anxious and excited, a theme I've noticed throughout this whole process.

I'm anxious because I don't know what I'm going to do now. I have to keep applying for jobs and hope something else opens up. I'm applying for jobs in Leeds, I'm applying for jobs in Oxford, I'm looking into Universal Credit (welfare) benefits, I'm waiting for my severance check to come in from Best Buy... Basically it's a lot of waiting and a lot of unknown. Amid this, I am trying to find a place to live because right now I'm living with Grandma and I don't want to do that permanently.

I actually am weirdly excited, though, because I wasn't too happy about the call centre job. In the back of my mind, I can't shake that this was God's doing.  I kinda knew from the beginning that this job wasn't going to work out. It wasn't the ideal situation for me.  It isn't what I want to do.

The trouble is, right now I have no idea how to get what I want. I want to write, and I want to make a career out of it. I've applied to editing jobs, I've done odd jobs on the side, but I have yet to figure out how I can translate writing into money. I haven't a clue how to get started.  I write simply because it makes me happy and it makes my heart come alive.

I feel pretty vulnerable in writing this, because I feel like I'm in an awkward transition. At least I have my family here. I'll take limbo to homesickness and loneliness any day.

On that subject, I've had nothing but amazing times with my family so far. My uncle Phil, as many of you may know, has esophageal cancer. God told me that my coming to England is a symbol for what God is doing in Phil's life – he's sending heavenly reinforcements. I'm fully believing that God is going to heal Phil, and if me coming to England is for no other reason than to stand with him and help fight that battle, then so be it. That's another reason why it might have been God luring me here with a job, but I know the Leeds area isn't my final destination. Eventually I hope the path opens up for me to find a place to live in Oxford so that I can walk out my destiny - taking up the mantle of CS Lewis and writing literature that will change the world forever.

Once again, keep me in your prayers, gang. I will try to post pictures as I take them.  I hope that you all are well.

Song of the day: